Life after the happy ending

Susanne opens up about her life after a very longed for baby finally arrived. Thank you Susanne!

So, what’s life like when you have longed for a baby for so long, have gone through so much heartache, so much pain. When your life was consumed for years by the longing for a baby.

What’s it like when you finally have what you wanted all this time? It’s not something I ever thought about before our daughter was born (you can ready my story here if you haven’t already).

And then there she was, and she was beautiful and it was amazing. And then - and I can’t remember when I first noticed something was not right – my husband changed. Finally, about 5 months after she was born, he was diagnosed with depression. He had been there for me all that time, had kept it together, stayed strong for me. It was as if once she was born, he knew I was ok and he fell apart. I won’t go into detail, but anyone who has experience of living with someone with depression knows it’s very hard. He went to get help and started his road to recovery.

At the same time he was diagnosed, I got an offer for a job. I’d always planned to leave my old job after I had my baby, and I was truly lucky with the opportunity I got. It was a strange time – on one hand, I would have loved to be able to stay at home (we couldn’t afford it), on the other hand, I was looking forward to getting back to work, simply to get out of the house.

So I started the new job and threw myself into it. After years of being consumed by the longing for a baby I felt I had been defined by everything that happened to us.  I felt I was simply “the girl who had 3 ectopics”, our story, our road to our happy ending was my only identity. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret being so public about our story, as so much good has come from it.

But starting a new job, with new people, who got to know me as ME, not as “my story” was so refreshing, it was so powerful. People didn’t look at me and think of me as the girl with 3 ectopics, they looked at me and saw someone who was great at her job. I did, of course over time share parts of what happened with my colleagues, but it wasn’t what defined me. Throw a bit of a social life with the colleagues into it, and that was what kept me going -  any new mother knows working full time (with all the guilt that comes with it) and having a baby at home is challenging. Throw a husband recovering from depression into the mix and you can imagine how difficult it was.

I absolutely adore our daughter, she’s 2.5 now, changing every day, and we have so much fun. I enjoy the time with her so much. I also enjoy my work, I’m good at it, and I feel there are opportunities for me I never thought I could have. It took me a long time to forgive myself for that – I spent so many years longing for a baby, I felt I should want to spend every single minute with her. I felt I had no right to complain when it was tough, so I kept going, tried to do it all myself.  Well, guess what – it catches up on you. You can only go for so long until you, or those close to you realise it’s getting too much.

When you are in the middle of your journey, and all you do is cling on to hope that it will happen for you, you don’t think about what happens afterwards. When you first find out you are finally pregnant, and everything is going as planned, you get more and more excited the closer your due date gets. You don’t think about what happens when the baby is born – you expect to be deliriously happy and for your life to be suddenly complete. And in a way, for a while it really was like that. But then normal life resumes, and for me  - for us -  that was a bit overwhelming. Finding your identity again - realising you are not just a mother, but also still a wife, a friend, an employee, an auntie etc etc – it can take time.

So now I make sure I have time to myself and I don’t feel guilty for enjoying my job with the odd night away. And I know I’m a better mother for it. Thankfully my husband has fully recovered too.

Life is good, and with any luck, in a year or two we might be in a position to see if one of our frozen embryos can grow into a little brother or sister for our daughter. Who knows what life will bring.

Helene's story

Look who is back!! I can't believe we didn't have a story to post for almost two years!! Sometimes as you know, life gets in the way and we are trying to add a few more posts to this blog to keep it alive and reach out to as many people as we can who may be looking for support.

Big big thank you to Helene who did write to us and told her story. See below, she is one resilient woman and while her experience is still very recent, her spirits are high. We are also delighted to read that her overall experience was very positive, maybe our work is making a difference!

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?

I had an eventful year with two Ectopic Pregnancies (EP). The good thing I guess is we got pregnant twice in one year after trying for over 12 months. Both times I was 5 weeks pregnant and it was in my right tube.

What were your symptoms?

Symptoms were the same for both EPs – slight pain in my right side that just did not feel right.

In March I knew I was pregnant immediately and we were just so excited because it had taken us 15 months to get here. We have one child already and had no problems conceiving with him so it was a shock when it didn't happen straight away on our second. Two days after I took the pregnancy test I started getting pains in my right side - niggles that would come and go at first and then on the Friday they lasted all day long. I remember clearly as I was visiting my friend who had just come home with her new baby girl. I drove home and went straight to my GP who sent me up to EPU immediately. That was 5pm on a Friday evening. It took a week to diagnose it as an EP based on scans and my BetaHCG results and then we opted for Methotrexate (MTX) treatment. 

On my second EP again I knew immediately I was pregnant and within 2 days of taking a home pregnancy test I got the same pains on my right side again. I tried to ignore them for a day or so, really couldn’t believe it could happen again; but when they were constant I knew what was happening and went straight to my EPU. This time they were able to tell straight away from the scan that it was an EP and I opted for another shot of MTX. A week later I ruptured at home and ended up having emergency surgery to remove my right tube. That was on a Friday and by Sunday I had to have a transfusion as I had lost so much blood. I came home on Monday to recover. 

When you have an EP all the warnings and precautions are in place and now I know why! I ruptured at home a week after having a shot of MTX and knew immediately what was happening. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life and one I really would not wish to repeat! 

How was your experience with the doctor? And how were you treated?

Overall my experience with the midwives in the EPU was amazing…they were so supportive and empathetic. They treated me emotionally as well as physically. Some of the doctors were the same but I found the Consultants very off hand and abrupt about the whole thing. Their knowledge of EPs, when I l look back, was phenomenal really and they laid out all my options for me.

I ended up staying in hospital for a week on two separate occasions this year and each time I cannot praise the staff highly enough. 

Before I was given MTX about 3 or 4 different doctors explained and walked us through what the procedure was and what the Do’s and Don’ts are. When I had surgery they were very supportive as well. 

I wasn’t afraid to ask lots of questions though, and my husband did as well, so we really armed ourselves with as much information as we could, and were involved with all decisions and aspects of my treatment.

On my second EP my Consultant did not feel I needed to come in for the 6 week follow up in the Gynae clinic but 2 days after I got home, my EPU phoned me to say that she had spoken with the Consultant and did not agree with that decision; she felt I needed to have the choice and in 6 weeks’ time I could have a lot of questions so I opted to go to the 6 week checkup. I was very grateful for the midwife in my EPU for thinking about me.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support, if shared etc

This is a tough one because most conversations you have about EPs are about the facts and figures and the BHCG levels and what is happening next…not many of them get to the emotional side of it all. On both EPs my parents, sisters and best friend were amazing. They stayed with me, either on phone or in person, throughout the whole experience – or at least up until I was over the 3 month waiting after the MTX. I felt very hard done-by; like the universe was punishing me for something in a past life! Silly I know but I still think that sometimes. It’s the hardest thing to get your head around and I am grateful that both my EPs were at 5 weeks and so I hadn’t formed too close a bond with my baby-to-be. I think of them both, or who they might have been, every day though and November and April will be particularly tough months for me. We are still trying to decide if we try again – it’s an extremely tough conversation to have with my husband because I know he was so scared for me on both occasions but particularly when I had the tube removed as I lost a lot of blood.  I am absolutely petrified to try again and have another EP but the alternative is worse for me – not having another baby and having to accept that decision. 

I was relieved to have my right rube removed in the end – as this was where both my EPs were so I felt better knowing it was gone and the risk reduced for a repeat performance. 

I found the Ectopic Ireland Forum a good source of information and support and my local EPU was really good – but they don’t have the time to talk to you on every visit. 

What has happened since? 

Not a lot! I had surgery 8 weeks ago and am just focusing on getting my body healthy again – I’m running a lot and trying to get physically strong. It also helps keep the head clear . We will most likely try again but this would be the last time as age is not on my side. 

Meet Ethna!

Ethna's experience is still so fresh, her pain is transpiring through her words. There is hope Ethna, we are glad writing this down helped you a bit, you are one strong lady and will come through this even stronger.

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
On November the 28th, the day after my four year old son's birthday I was admitted to hospital for emergency surgery and had my 7 week old baby and right Fallopian tube removed.

What were your symptoms?
I knew I was pregnant immediately. I had just experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks in early September and while we had decided to wait and allow time to heal after that traumatic experience we were thrilled to discover I was pregnant again. I was naturally very nervous but was feeling great. Then I started having a lot of severe pain in my right side and back and some spotting. I rang the hospital over the weekend as with my recent history the midwife in the EPAU had told me to get in touch as soon as I knew I was pregnant again but particularly if I had pain. I was told to sit tight over the weekend and that I was better off at home than sitting down there. Looking back now, I'm so thankful that it didn't progress into a more serious situation. I was light headed and dizzy but by Monday my pain had disappeared and spotting stopped and I put it down to implantation bleeding but rang EPAU anyway and was told to come in on Wednesday. I was again feeling great. Myself and my husband packed up our two children and headed to the hospital, planning on going for a nice lunch and doing some Christmas shopping. My husband stayed in the car with the children as our 15 month old was asleep.

How was your experience with the doctor? And how were you treated?
I was waiting over an hour for my scan which was a very anxious time, given that last time we were there we were told our baby had died so I was very nervous but at the same time pretty confident everything was ok. When I was brought in I couldn't look at the screen. I just lay there looking at the ceiling hoping to God everything would be ok. In the initial scan they didn't find anything in the womb and even though the sonographer said the scan doesn't always show up so early, my heart sank and I knew something was wrong. They did an internal then and the pain came back like a dull ache creeping over me. The two nurses were very quiet and one was telling the other to take measurements etc but no words of reassurance. So I asked could they see anything. The nurse sat down beside me and started rubbing my arms, I was already crying. She told me that sadly what they were seeing was an ectopic pregnancy and that there was no way the baby could survive. I was devastated. I just thought life couldn't be that cruel. She asked would I like to see my baby and at first I said no but then asked to see and there was my tiny bean with a little heart beat. She then showed me my empty womb. I really just couldn't take it in. The last scan I'd had showed a dead baby in the right place and here I was looking at a strong, beating heartbeat just in the wrong place. I was convinced it was my own fault for getting pregnant so soon after my miscarriage but the nurse assured me the two were completely unrelated. I was really floored. She said I had internal bleeding and would need emergency surgery to remove my tube. I think that's when the real fear set in. I phoned my husband in tears but conscious he had our children with him and told him he needed to come in. When he did I took great comfort from seeing my children and knew I had to be strong so as not to frighten them. The doctor came in and explained the surgery and why they would take my tube and feeling like I was signing my life away, I signed the consent form and was admitted. After calculating my last meal, they said I'd have surgery at three. It was about lunchtime and I just couldn't believe the speed at which it all happened. The staff were so lovely and treated me and my family with great respect and dignity. After I was admitted I walked out to the car with my husband who was going to bring the kids to my mum's, pack a bag for me and come back. I thought about getting in the car and just going home with them, convinced everything would be fine but I knew I was in shock and in danger of being very ill and needed to go back. Walking into the hospital alone, knowing they were going to take away that flickering white heart beat was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support, if shared etc
I'm never really away from my children. I had a home birth with my daughter and am still breastfeeding her so knew physically she'd miss me but I was worried about my son. He'd left me at the hospital upset and I knew that would play on his mind. When I went back to my room I went into a kind of daze. I just lay there, not really feeling anything. Saying goodbye to my husband and being wheeled down to theatre when the time came was so sad. When I woke up I just wanted him and was calling for him. I was brought back to my room and rested with him beside me holding my hand. I was in my own room but on the maternity ward and the sound of the tiny newborn babies crying broke my heart. I lay there thinking I've two dead babies now and all I wanted was to hold one. I was very confused, very hurt and very angry. I didn't sleep much, just wept huge heart wrenching tears one minute and then I'd be completely calm the next.

I spent two nights in hospital and since coming home I've gotten fantastic support, my mum took my son to preschool and collected him everyday for a week so I didn't even have to get dressed, just lit the fire most days and stayed cuddled up with my daughter. My children are what get me up in the morning. And even though I take great comfort in them it also saddens me as I know another little baby would be so loved and would grow into an amazing little person just like their big brother and sister, so the enormity of what I'm missing out on hits me a lot.
I have good days and bad but overall I know that when the hurt and anger subside I'll be a better mother because I truly know just how precious my babies are. I also have wonderful family and friends, who have listened and cried with me, both now and over the past few months. I rely on my husband and although initially very angry with him ( I'm not sure why) I know we'll get through all the horribleness together.

What has happened since? 
It's still very raw for us. I was brought back into hospital with severe pains and bleeding 9 days after surgery but thankfully after more scans everything appears fine. Today was my first pain free day and myself and my husband went for lunch and spent some time out together. It felt good putting on lipstick! I was devastated to hear from the hospital that my baby won't be coming home. After my miscarriage we made a beautiful little garden for the children and we buried that baby there and I really wanted to be able to do the same for this baby so that when I close my eyes at night I know we are all close by. The hospital said that my baby was so tiny there is nothing for them to give me. I'm angry at that and confused as I saw my baby on screen but I'm just going to have to accept it and in time we'll do something special to mark this sad time and say goodbye.

My biggest concern now is for the future. I've gone from having two perfect pregnancies, births and children to having two very traumatic pregnancies ending in emptiness and sadness. I always wanted a big family but now I'm worried that something like this could happen again and I'm not sure I could deal with the heartache. I need time to heal, I know that and hopefully down the line we'll see how things go. I'm thankful to yourselves for giving me this space to share and grieve and for the beautiful tea light holder to remember my jelly bean x

Meet Leigh!

Meet Leigh! Another story, another experience. Still so so fresh in Leigh's mind as it only happened days ago. She has a wonderful family support and the special comfort of her sister who experienced also an EP. Thank you so much for sharing Leigh.

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I experienced an ectopic pregnancy in my right fallopian tube in November 2012. This was my second pregnancy and I was just under 6 weeks pregnant.

What were your symptoms?
I only discovered I was pregnant on 01 November, the day before I was due to have surgery on my leg after a fall. They assured me it was ok to have the anaesthetic although I was pregnant I started spotting 3 days after the surgery & I was also having cramping like bad period pains and was naturally concerned the anaesthetic had done some harm. I thought it was maybe implantation but decided I should probably have a scan to see everything was ok.

How was your experience with the doctor? And how where you treated?
I have to say overall that was the one positive thing in the whole experience. I rang the obstetrician and explained my symptoms. He said it could be a possible miscarriage or just implantation but arranged a scan for me on 07 Nov. They saw what looked like a tiny gestational sac in the uterus but no yolk sac. Also the uterine lining was thickened and they could see I ovulated from right side. All good signs. The sonographer felt it was most likely a very early pregnancy but without the yolk sac couldn't 100% rule out ectopic. She ordered bloods to measure HCG levels which were 841 and then in 48 hrs rose to 1758. So they more than doubled which I was told pretty much ruled out an ectopic. Feeling so positive that the pain and spotting was implantation I booked in for my first ante natal app on 31 Dec. That night I was doubled over with what felt like trapped wind and actually vomited. But I just went to bed with a hot water bottle on my tummy and put it out of my mind. Next morning I felt fine, the spotting which alternated between brown and dark red just stopped and I had little or no cramping. I was delighted! That was the weekend of 09 Nov. Then on 15th Nov I had another reassurance scan just so they could see the yolk sac and and be 100% sure all was ok, although I was told it was very routine and not even really necessary. My husband couldn't come due to work commitment but I told him not to worry as it was routine and probably too early even for a heartbeat! The whole way through the scan the sonographer said nothing to me and there was an eerie silence. I just knew something wasn't right. Then suddenly I heard the heartbeat and I smiled to myself, thinking my little baby was ok. Still no word from the sonographer and I started to think she was just rude. Then she said " I'll just show you what I found, that's your uterus but there is no gestational sac" I was so confused as I heard the heart beat!! Surely she was mistaken.... Then I'll never forget when she said "There's a gestational sac with a little baby with a beating heart, but it's outside your uterus in your tube" I sobbed so hard I nearly got sick. This couldn't be happening. I had to call my husband who rushed straight to the hospital. The OB came in to see us and said he would have to operate to remove the pregnancy and the right tube there was no other option. My tube hadn't actually ruptured but hey could see swelling on the scan and felt pretty sure it was inevitable any time soon. He was the doctor on call as my own doctor was away for 2 days. In hindsight he seemed almost a little cold but it was more just that he was very matter of fact. I needed surgery and there was no other option. I then had the agonising wait for 5 hrs as I hadn't been fasting and they needed to wait because of the anaesthetic. That was at 11 am. I then went in for surgery at 4pm where took my little baby away. The emptiness I felt when I came around will stay with me forever. The doctor came to see me the next morning and said he partially removed the right tube but what was left was non functional. The remaining tube and ovaries are perfect and he said I have a good chance of conceiving again. But that won't bring back the little one we've lost :( I'm also terrified having a partial tube puts me at higher risk of a repeat ectopic. I just don't understand enough of what they did. My head was too confused to take it all in. I guess my biggest fear is another ectopic and I have so many questions I didn't get a chance to ask.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.
I was really heartbroken and felt such an immense grief. Although I was only 6 weeks pregnant this little baby was already a huge part of me. We had allowed ourselves to get excited. Also after the blood results it seemed the pregnancy was progressing normally. It was like a triple edged sword, the loss of our baby, the surgery and pain following it plus the fear for my future fertility. I cried non stop for the first few days and really started to wonder how I would cope. I also felt a degree of anger, why me? And angry also that the sonographer had the volume up on the ultrasound machine, knowing things were not as they should be, hearing that heartbeat will stay with me forever and made the pain all the more unbearable. Sadly my sister experienced the pain of an ectopic pregnancy only in April of last year. We cried together and she was a great comfort as she completely understood what I was going through and also allowed me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a wonderfully supportive family and friends and they are getting me through this difficult time. I'm the type of person that needs to talk about how I feel, it's one of my coping mechanisms. Also I have a very beautiful 22 month old daughter who I look at every day and thank God for her. My husband has been a tower of strength for both of us.

What has happened since?
Not an awful lot has happened since as it has only been a week since surgery.I am taking one day at a time and allowing myself to grieve. I think once the physical wounds have healed I will be emotionally a little stronger too. I will see the Obstetrician on 07th January for a follow up and hopefully get the answers I need. But I'm trying to stay positive and not give up on the idea that one day Georgia will have a little brother or sister to grow up with :)

Meet Little Miss Home Life!

Another story for our blog. Thank you so much for sharing it with us Little Miss Home Life, we are positive this is very therapeutic and above all will make you feel less alone.


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
April 2012 I had an Ectopic Pregnancy in my right tube and I was 6 weeks pregnant, this was my first pregnancy. We have been trying for over 3 years

What were your symptoms?
Within minutes of finding out I was pregnant I had stomach cramps, I thought it was shock.
The cramps started to get worse and were winding me under my ribs and around the side and back. Then the shoulder pain started which is called shoulder tip pain and is when you bleed internally. I didn’t have any spotting or bleeding, it was all internal. The pain came on in waves and I felt sick and dizzy.

How was your experience with the Doctor? How were you treated?
As I had just found out I was pregnant I knew this wasn't normal, I had a feeling something was wrong so we went to A&E. It was around 10pm so we pretty much got shown to a cubicle straight away. I told them my symptoms and that I might be pregnant. A couple of doctors came to see me but they wanted me to give a urine sample so they could see if I was pregnant before they could do anything else. I tried to go a couple of times but every time I got to the toilet I felt sick and thought I was going to faint. After awhile the pain was getting worse so the last thing I could think of doing was peeing in a cup. They drew some blood and came back to let me know, yes I am pregnant and they are going to admit me. They said I could either have a complication with the pregnancy or it was an ectopic but I couldn’t have a scan until 8am the next day. By this time I was a bit out of it because the pain was so bad, the shoulder tip pain was now unbearable. After now doing some research I had typical signs of an ectopic that had ruptured and internal bleeding so god knows why they didn’t spot it sooner, I think they were short staffed.
My husband had to go home as it was after visiting hours and was told to come back for the scan at 8am. They came and checked me every 15 minutes but it didn't come quick enough as I had to press the buzzer for them to give me morphine but it wasn't doing anything for the pain. By 4am my blood pressure went very low the nurse made the call to the registrar and I'm glad she did as she saved my life.  They did a bed side scan and realised I had a ruptured ectopic in my right tube and was bleeding internally, I was 6 weeks pregnant. I knew it was quite serious as they were shouting to prep surgery and they were all rushing around. The registrar told me what was going on and that I might lose my tube, all I wanted was the pain to stop. While in surgery they had to remove my right tube, I lost 6 pints of blood and had to have a blood transfusion.  In recovery the nurses said I was very lucky to be alive.
While back on the ward and in the 6 days of recovering they didn’t really tell me much in why it had happened, aftercare advice and where I go from here in trying to conceive. All they said was keep trying for a year and go to my GP if nothing happens after that.
Throughout my stay the nurses were very lovely and helpful with anything I needed.

What has happened since?
While in the hospital they told me to wait one cycle then I could start trying again.  I felt more than ever now that I wanted to get pregnant again.
A week after being discharged I was told I needed to have blood tests done to make sure everything was settling down, I think this was because of my blood transfusion. Everything came back normal apart from my liver levels which were high, after another week they had come down.
6 Months after the ectopic and still trying to conceive nothing had happened so I thought enough is enough. I went to my GP to have some tests for my fertility, they came back normal apart from my testosterone levels which were on the border line of normal and my liver levels again were high.  After an ultrasound scan they ruled out poly-cystic ovaries and said everything looked normal.  Next week my husband is getting some fertility test and we shall see what the Doctor says our next step is.
We are positive and feel like we are getting closer to starting our family but we just can’t wait to have that baby in our arms.

Meet Lynn!

We have another story for our blog! I know it's been a while so please keep them coming! Sharing is a great way to reach out. And without further ado, meet Lynn!


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I experienced my ectopic on my left fallopian tube in August 2012, this was my second pregnancy.
I was only 5 weeks gone.

How was your experience with the doctor? And how where you treated?
They where no help, I felt like a farm animal. It really started off as a confusing experience, I took my test but it was a very shy positive, for confirmation my doctor gave me a test also but it was still a very shy positive. He took some bloods to be sure I was indeed pregnant. I waited days for the results, but the day before I got them I got a horrible pain on the left side of my groin shooting down my leg and darting up to my shoulder, I was in agony and was faint and pumping sweat. I was terrified. Within the hour the pain had stopped. I thought nothing of it as I had experienced implantation cramping before. Two days later we got a phone call, the bloods where in and it was good news, I was without a doubt  pregnant.  The doctor didn't seem too concern with the pain I had a few days previous so neither was I. That was short lived, over the course of the next week and a half the pains would come and go and some more painful than others and some days not at all. Constant calls to the hospital were no help, the usual response was "too soon to do anything"  but no one seemed worried, but something just wasn't right. To make matters worse I started spotting, but it wasn't heavy enough to alarm the doctors. One night after dinner I felt the pain slowly start to come back, I just cried broken hearted and frustrated, I needed to know! My best friend put me and my hubby into the car and drove us from the house to the nearest maternity hospital in the city which was still about 25 km away, it felt like hours in the car and the pains got worse and worse! By the time we arrived I couldn't stand, my hubby Chris ran in for a wheelchair. I must have looked bad cause I was seen straight away.
The exam was excruciating, I screamed with the pain of it. I fainted on the bed twice.  When it was over the doctor came in with the nurse who examined me and told me it was an ectopic pregnancy. Things started happening so fast one nurse shoving an iv in my hand, the doctor getting me to sign a consent form and being put into a hospital gown by a second nurse. They allowed Chris as far as the OR doors. I just cried the whole time.
I woke up in a recovery room and my first words where "do I still have my tube" of course I didn't ! My tube and my baby where gone and honestly so was my hope.  Back in the room it was awful everyone was still pregnant, when ever I needed to use a bathroom it didn't matter how much I rang for a nurse, no one came.
The next morning the doctor told us I had been internally bleeding for a little over a week, the shoulder pain should have been a giveaway. A little over a litre . He said I didn't have 2 hours left in me when I got there, any longer and I wouldn't have survived the drive there! My tube had ruptured!!
How did I let it get that bad!?

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.
The support of my friends and family was overwhelming and unfortunately underwhelming from some.
My mam and dad where great throughout it, they where emotional with me. My mother refused to leave the hospital when she was asked to, as the nurses where not answering the calls. My best friend Nikki looked after my daughter and kept her occupied while I was in hospital. And my hubby and two best friends Wendy and Andie never left my side even after I came home, cooking and cleaning and being good company for me all together. My friends Nicole and Lisa came to our place and spent the night cheering me up. My poor hubby Chris didn't know how to cope, tried staying strong for me and my daughter Zoe but it was taking its toll on him. Even friends from my school days and Facebook where so so loving and supportive to us.

What has happened since?
Losing the baby took its toll on me, I didn't get out of bed for weeks. At first because of the pain but somewhere down the line it stopped being about the pain and more about not facing the world. Despite gentle encouragement from friends and family I didn't even want to go downstairs. I'd just lay in bed thinking about the fact that I came so scarily close to dying but even worse the biggest wound was the baby I'd made so many plans for, that I would now never see, hold, name. I go about my day now. I get up and make my bed. It's been a very slow journey. It's only been 3 months and I still have my dark days and I still cry,  not as much and I don't sleep much at night but I am thinking much more positive now and that's a start.

Meet Fiona!

Fiona is another strong lady who went through the mills and came out the other side. Thank you Fiona for sharing your story with us!

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?

 I experienced an ectopic pregnancy in my right fallopian tube in August 2008. It was my first pregnancy and I was 8 weeks pregnant.

What were your symptoms?

 Inititally I had a small amount of brown spotting.  This went away but at around 6.5 weeks I had small bleed.  I never had any pain only a mild cramp on my left side (opposite side to the ectopic).  They told me it was a ‘silent’ ectopic.

How was your experience with the Doctor, & how were you treated?

 Unfortunately my experience wasn’t very positive.  I went to casualty after the small bleed. Although it wasn’t much I instinctively knew something was wrong.  I was scanned by a junior doctor and then a senior doctor.  They were very busy and he, very matter of factly (in a busy corridor), told me I was pregnant but they didn’t know where the pregnancy was and that was it.  I went home with my head in a spin.  I didn’t understand what that meant and I didn’t ask enough/any questions at the time.  I spent the night searching the internet for information.  The next week was tough I had to go back every 48 hours for bloods and scanning.  The HCG levels were rising but not enough so they knew there was a problem but nothing was showing on the scan so I was continually sent home and told to come back if I got a bad pain.  After a week I started to feel unwell, had a mild cramp on the left side and heavier bleeding so they told me to come back in.  They still couldn’t see anything on the scan but the doctor in casualty thought I looked very pale and wasn’t happy sending me home.  On the ward I was examined by a very rough doctor who told me to go home that there was no way it was an ectopic as I would be in a lot more pain and wouldn’t be able to stand the examination. Even if it was ectopic she said casually ‘its not going to burst right away you would be in way more pain’.  I was so emotionally drained at this stage it seemed endless and I just wanted it to be over.  The next day they called me and asked me to come back in urgently that they were not happy with the latest bloods.  This time thankfully they could see the ectopic on my right tube and I was admitted.  I felt really light headed, sweaty and generally very unwell. It was late that evening so they said a doctor would discuss it with me in the morning.  I felt so sad that night and there was just no support or kindness from anyone on the night shift. At every stage I dealt with different doctors and nurses and had to explain everything from scratch to each of them. Every time I came into the hospital for bloods/scans etc I was waiting for hours which added to the stress. That night the nurse started to ask me it all again for the file   ‘Is this is your first pregnancy?’  It was all too much and I started to cry.  She just looked at the other nurse and said ‘She’s a bit upset’ and they drew the curtains around me and left.  No one took even five minutes to talk to me about anything that was happening.  I was devastated over the loss of the baby but at that stage I just wanted the surgery as I was really scared.  The next morning before surgery I did get one fleeting stabbing pain in my right.  The doctor told me the operation would be 10 minutes if they decided not to operate or 40 minutes if they operated.  I woke up 40 minutes later.  The ectopic was large and had ruptured and I was bleeding into the stomach.  After the operation (literally right after I was half unconscious and my husband hadn’t even seen me) the doctor told me what happened and said they were surprised I wasn’t in agony and I was very lucky.  I managed to ask about future fertility and she said no problem try again whenever you want but come in for an early scan when pregnant.  That was it released with no follow up and no further discussions.  Looking back I know my case was not textbook for an ectopic so was difficult to diagnose but the experience was made a alot worse by the lack of any medical or emotional support from start to finish in the hospital.  Although medication may not have been an option for me it was never discussed.  In fact there was no discussions at any point and I never saw the same doctor to ask any question too.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.

It was a huge surprise to me how much of an emotional rollarcoaster this all was. I’m usually a very good coper, easy going and take things in my stride.  My mother had experienced several miscarriages (some late) and often talked openly about how devastated she was over these.  I could never really understand this until this happened to me.  I also had the added concern about my future fertility given the surgery. My husband, close family and friends were great and very supportive.  I didn’t tell a lot of people as found it too painful to talk about.  Looking back I wasn’t really in a good place and went through a range of emotions and perhaps even a bit of post traumatic stress.  Months later I ended up going for a couple of counselling sessions (first time in my life) which were very helpful. Although it was never going to be easy I do believe that if the hospital/doctors had talked to me a bit more that it wouldn’t have been so traumatic. 

What has happened since?

Life could not be better for me since those dark days.  In 2009, I got pregnant and thankfully I had a perfect baby girl.  I had miscarriage in 2011 which was very upsetting but I personally didn’t find it in any way as traumatic as the ectopic.  I’m very happy to say I am now typing this beside my beautiful baby boy born over 8 weeks ago.  I can’t express how lucky I feel to have these two babies. While the experience of ectopic was terrible I don’t think I would appreciate them as much if it were not for the experience.  I take nothing for granted anymore and know that these babies and life in general is very precious.

Meet Sarah!

Sarah suffered an ectopic pregnancy recently and has decided to share her story. Thank you so much from the team of Ectopic Pregnancy Ireland!

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I experienced an ectopic pregnancy in my right fallopian tube in February 2012. I was 10 weeks pregnant and this was my first pregnancy.

What were your symptoms? 
The only symptoms I had was an agonising pain in my lower right back and a pain that I suspected was my appendix. I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I thought I was constipated but after a glass of orange juice I vomited and my mother and Fiancé insisted I go to the hospital (luckily!!).

How was your experience with the Doctor, & how were you treated?
I had taken 4 HPT’s over two months, all were negative, I even had a negative result with my GP a week before I went into hospital. So when I was told in the hospital that I was pregnant I was in shock. I was in so much pain that I could not register it. I was transferred to Drogheda hospital by ambulance, when I got to the hospital I had lots of people around me. The gynaecologist came down and examined me and told me the likelihood of it being an ectopic pregnancy was high. It was my gut feeling that it was and in my heart I knew it was too, I went for a scan and it was confirmed. I went for the operation to have the pregnancy removed, when I came around I was panicking about my fallopian tube, and I kept asking about it. When I eventually came around I was told that my fallopian tube was removed but that the operation was successful, I had keyhole surgery but my left tube was good and my ovaries looked healthy.
My experience with the doctors and nurses was great. One of the nurses even took the time out to sit with me and my fiancé to talk to us about what had happened, explaining both the procedure and the ectopic pregnancy. They all enforced that it was a definite pregnancy and that I needed to accept that and mourn it and try and move on from it.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, Family support (if shared) etc..
When it comes to support, I didn’t tell a lot of people but looking back I wish I did. Trying to act normal and hide my tears when I see a new baby or hiding my pain when someone tells me they are pregnant is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. A lot of people seem to be avoiding me probably because they are afraid of upsetting me. I feel like I can’t talk to a lot of people my mam and my fiancé excluded. I am very fragile at the moment and hate that everyone is just moving on and ignoring/avoiding me because they don’t want to upset me. Sometimes talking about it and having a good cry is what you need.
Although the pregnancy tests where coming back negative, I knew deep down I was pregnant, I had a lot of pregnancy symptoms. We were not trying for a baby or in a great position to have one but with each negative we got we were a little devastated, as the baby would have been loved and wanted. Since the loss of the baby, I have not really pulled myself together properly. I want to just have a magic wand to make it all better but I have to keep reminding myself it’s only been 6 weeks since the loss. I think about my little baby first thing every morning and last thing at night. I keep thinking about how far along I should be and why did this happen to us? I also can’t get over the sense that a part of me is missing.

What has happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
I have just completed my 6 weeks appointment in the hospital. The doctor told me that I was doing great and that I could start trying to get pregnant straight away if I wanted to. He just advised me to arrange a scan if and when I am pregnant again. He said that it was really important that I go in as soon as I find out to ensure that the pregnancy is in the correct place. I had been experiencing pains in my back and stomach and I was told not to worry about these as it can take up to three months for everything to go back to normal. We are not ready to start trying for another baby yet, but we are hopeful for the future.

Meet Susanne!

It is a great pleasure to dedicate this blog post to Susanne. She is one of the strongest and most determined persons I have met. She is also part of our team and I have tears of joy in my eyes that it's finally come the time to post her happy ending story.

What type of Ectopic Pregnancy did you experience?
My first 2 ectopic pregnancies were in my fallopian tubes, both of which were subsequently removed – I had keyhole surgery for both. Then following our first IVF attempt, the embryo migrated to the stump of my right tube. This was treated with methotrexate, and I later had the remainder of my tubes clipped back to reduce the risk of this happening again.

What were your symptoms?
On the first ectopic pregnancy I had very typical symptoms  - bleeding/spotting on and off, bad pain, shooting pains down my back. On the second one I had no symptoms at all, although looking back, somewhere in my mind there was a niggling feeling something wasn’t right, despite the lack of symptoms. On the third ectopic, the symptoms were similar to the one on the first one.

How was your experience with the doctors and how were you treated?
I have to say, I could not fault the care and attention I received one bit – the doctor and nurse in the Early Pregnancy Unit were fantastic on all three occasions . Despite a packed waiting room I never felt I was rushed out the door, they took their time to let the news sink in, they gave us plenty of information and were generally amazing. The doctors and nurses on the ward were equally great, although one of the nurses at one stage told me to “stop crying, 20 years ago you would have been dead”.  In the IVF clinic, initially the possibility of another ectopic was dismissed, despite the obvious symptoms (I guess it was just so unlikely), which was frustrating, as my gut instinct told me it was ectopic. But overall, I was mostly treated with compassion and respect.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support etc. ?
The first ectopic I put down as “one of those things”, so I really didn’t dwell on it very much. Of course I was upset, but I was desperate to get pregnant again, so that’s what I focussed on. When I got pregnant again a year later and was diagnosed with another ectopic, it was a huge blow. I couldn’t believe that I was never going to be able to have children naturally – I was in my late 20s and never thought I’d ever be a candidate for IVF.  But when I got involved with the charity, it really kept me going. Meeting others who had been through the same was such a help, and I put a lot of energy into helping set the charity up. I wanted to make sense of what happened to me, and this way something good was going to come from it all.
Nearly a year and a half after the second ectopic we started the IVF journey, and when that ended in ectopic number three, we were just thinking  “What the hell? How can this happen AGAIN”. But in the end, you just have to get on with it. All the way through, I had good days and bad days, and if I had a bad day, well, that was ok too. I suppose I’m very self aware, and I tend to be able to react to what I need. If I needed to avoid that person who got pregnant after a month of trying, that’s what I did. If I couldn’t face yet another Christening/ kids birthday party, then I simply didn’t go. As we were very open about our journey, friends and family were great and understood. I’m a talker, I need to talk about things, and family and friends allowed me to do so.

What’s happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
Six months after the IVF ectopic we tried again, but the cycle failed. After a bit of a break, cycle number 3 in the summer of 2011 was successful and the result is now 6 weeks and asleep next to me. Our baby girl was born in March and we are over the moon. We’ve been overwhelmed with good wishes and presents. The charity work is and always will be a big part of my life. I have shared my story in newspaper articles, on the local radio and we will also be featured in the RTE documentary “Births of the Nation” on the 30th April 2012. I never thought we’d have to go through as much heartbreak as we did before we would have our baby, but if our story can give even one person hope, then I know something good has come from it all. What happened made me a stronger person, and even though I will never forget the 3 babies we lost, when I look at our perfect little baby girl, all the pain is forgotten.

Meet Ember!

We have a new story! I was almost loosing hope to keep this project going, but thanks to Ember we have our first entry of 2012 and I have the feeling we will have a few more...
Thank you Ember for writing to us and it's another happy ending!

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
My first pregnancy was diagnosed as ectopic in my right fallopian tube in 2010.

What were your symptoms?
I had no symptoms. I had a routine ultrasound scan at 5 weeks and 5 days to confirm the pregnancy and an ectopic was diagnosed from the scan.

How was your experience with the Doctors, & How were you treated?
I was initially treated with methotrexate. Blood tests after 3 days showed my HCG levels were still rising and I was given another methotrexate injection. More blood tests three days later showed HCG levels still rising and an ultrasound scan showed that the embryo had grown and there was now a heartbeat. I was brought straight to surgery and had a laparoscopy to remove the right tube. I was told afterwards that the left tube looked healthy. All the doctors and nurses were very kind and understanding and couldn't have been nicer to me. I did feel that I wasn't given enough information about future fertility. I was told to wait 6 months before trying to conceive again and that I should try for 1 year before seeing a doctor. Waiting a possible 18 months before having definitive answers about my fertility was quite upsetting for me.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.
I was completely devastated after the ectopic. I had just gotten married and found out I was pregnant on my honeymoon. I still can't enjoy looking at the pictures because I was pregnant in them. I didn't tell anyone outside of my immediate family and my boss in work. I don't live near my family and found they provided no support for me, no phone calls or visits to see how I was. They treated it like I had my appendix removed, not a baby and half of my future fertility. I was very depressed at the time and didn't confront them on this issue which I regret as I feel it permanently damaged my relationship with them. In hindsight, I think it would have been better to tell people because it was very difficult to act happy and carefree around my work colleagues and friends. It would have been much easier to cope if I had spoken with friends about what happened and my concerns about future pregnancies.

What’s happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
The doctors in the hospital advised me to wait 6 months before trying to get pregnant again. I discussed it with my own gynaecologist and she assured me there was no reason to wait longer than 3/4 months. Four months after the ectopic I got pregnant in my first month trying to conceive. The early weeks of the pregnancy were especially difficult. I had phantom pains in my right side and couldn't relax until I got the pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound at 5 weeks. My beautiful little baby boy was born earlier this year.

Meet Claire!

Another story with a happy ending! This may not always be the case of course, but it certainly can happen. Thank you so much for sharing Claire!

What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in June 2007 resulting in the loss of our baby and my right tube.  I had heard of Ectopic Pregnancy before briefly but was not aware of any of the complications or factors involved.

My now husband and I were firstly not trying to get pregnant so we basically had sex around the time of ovulation.  I was nervous that I would fall pregnant, we were one year in our new home and working building careers etc.  While having a baby was in our future we were not planning on starting so soon.  We both took the decision to take the morning after pill the next day.  I took the tablet and was told by the doctor that my period should come back in two weeks approx.

I got on with normal life and assumed my period would return.  Three weeks later my period didn’t arrive and while talking to my sister she urged me to take a pregnancy test.  I was in denial stating how I could not possibly be pregnant! However she jolted me into thinking I should test just to know.  So I had to wait until the next day and I tested positive.

We were both shocked and upset.  They were our honest first responses.  We didn’t plan on this happening and now we had a positive test.  My gut reaction was “ok, we didn’t plan but I love this baby no matter what”.  We got the pregnancy confirmed and just digested the news.  We also had a two week holiday booked which we looked forward to.

What were your symptoms?
From the minute I found out I was expecting our baby, I knew something wasn’t right.  I am a firm believer that you have a gut for a reason and I just knew that all was not well.  I started spotting brown blood, not heavy but it was consistent every day.  I did not have any pain.  I arrived probably one week later into A&E in Holles St, where a doctor scanned me with an old small scanner, which didn’t detect anything in my womb.  He said it was too early to see and basically said go on holidays but do so with caution.  They booked me in for a repeat scan on my return in two weeks.  So off we went on our holiday, when I actually think of what was in store, it still scares me!  I started getting pains in my right side one evening that were very painful and I knew something was wrong.  I took a painkiller and hoped that it would subside, which it did that night.  While taking a shower the following day I passed a sac which I presumed naturally was our baby.  We were both shocked and worried.  I was doing ok, and we were due home in a few days and I just wanted to get going.

We arrived in the EPU the Monday we arrived home.  This time we were scanned internally by a lovely midwife who had the proper scanning equipment etc.  She detected the pregnancy in my right tube almost immediately as a black mass which was clearly visible to us.  She was lovely and basically informed us that the pregnancy was now no longer viable.  Those words will always stay with me.  I was relieved in one way as I thought it was straightforward miscarriage but now had an answer.  It was ectopic.  She also gave me a print out of the English Ectopic Charity for support and the counselling leaflet from the hospital.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
I was booked straight onto the day ward and was basically getting my bloods checked every few hours.  Once it was confirmed that they were rising I was given an injection of Methotrexate.  Told to go home and rest.  As we lived over 40km away I stayed that night in my Dads.  My friend arrived up that evening and performed some acupuncture on me to relax my body etc.  While lying on the bed the pain started and I knew I had to get back into hospital.  I was by then still talking, walking but started to shake uncontrollably.  I was again admitted onto the ward where I was left overnight in severe pain.  I was given pain relievers but had to wait until the next morning to see a doctor.

How was your experience with the doctors?
The next morning the doctors discussed the options with me regarding surgery.  We were completely and utterly shocked.  My family having only just discovered I was pregnant now had to face me having surgery.  My husband was devastated and barely held it together as he was worried I wouldn't make it.

By lunchtime they finally made the decision to operate.  I was brought down and operated on.  When I came to, a very nice doctor explained what had happened.  I was relieved that they didn’t have to fully open me up and that they had performed key hole surgery.  They informed me that I had lost my right tube as I had ruptured.  They showed me photographs and my abdomen was filled with blood and you could see the baby in my tube.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.?
I think I brushed a lot of my emotions regarding the ectopic under the carpet.  Sure I was here, alive and I am fine.  We got married one year later and we were doing well.  Some family members tried to tell me that ‘it wasn’t really a baby, only cells’.  That still hurts.  My friends were amazing as were other members of our family.  My husband and I didn’t fully discuss it, and didn’t avail of the counselling services on offer.  I personally felt almost guilty because I took the morning after pill and had no right to feel anything at all.  I now realise that is not the case.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
In September 2009 our son was born! He was conceived relatively quickly and was healthy and beautiful in every way.  It also brought up all the old emotions around our first baby and a lot of good tears were shed.  We both spoke properly about our baby and while our journey started out a bit differently to others in that it wasn’t planned, we both realised how much we love our first.  I am now pregnant again after a short time trying and we also plan on planting a tree to always remember our little baby up there and always part of us.

Meet Crystal!

Crystal suffered an EP very recently, and after her recovery herself and her husband decided to move abroad to start a new life and hopefully add to their family soon. Thank you Crystal or sharing your experience with us!


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I experienced an ectopic pregnancy in my right fallopian tube in July 2011. I was 8 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy.

What were your symptoms?
The only symptoms I had was slight spotting at 6 ½ weeks, which is why my diagnoses took so long.

How was your experience with the Doctors, & How were you treated?
I attended my GP after noticing some spotting. She referred me immediately to the Early Pregnancy Unit for assessment. I went straight to the hospital where I was examined. I was booked in for an ultrasound the following week. Because I had no pain, and the spotting had stopped, I didn’t feel an urgency in having an ultrasound and was happy to wait the week. Between appointments I still had no symptoms apart from a very slight cramping every now and then so I presumed everything was ok. They day of my ultrasound arrived. Initially the Dr pointed to the screen to what she thought was the sac, but she then asked for a 2nd opinion. The second Dr thought that there was nothing to be seen. But because I was still symptomless they were unsure. A blood test to confirm my HCG was ordered. This came back with a large reading confirming my pregnancy. I was admitted in order to have my HCG levels rechecked.
48 hrs. later my HCG levels had risen still confirming a pregnancy. I was prepared for surgery but beforehand I asked for a 2nd scan, to put my mind at rest considering I still had no significant symptoms. I wanted to be sure there was nothing in my womb before they opened me up. This scan was done and no pregnancy was seen. A dr. came to explain the surgery, It was only then I realised my pregnancy was not going to be viable. I was rushed to surgery where an ectopic pregnancy was confirmed. My right fallopian tube was removed.
My experiences with the Drs were mostly positive. Communication let them down. No one spoke to me about the possibility of an ectopic until I was being prepared for surgery. My GP couldn’t have been better, her aftercare and support has been amazing.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.
They physical pain from the operation healed quickly. Emotionally I am still dealing with it. My husband works abroad and was only able to arrive home the day after the operation, so in some respects things were probably as difficult for him as they were for me. Because he was abroad I made the decision to tell our immediate family and my close friends of my pregnancy more or less immediately, I felt I needed there support and needed them to know that I was expecting. In hindsight I was right. I couldn’t have foreseen what was to happen to me but I needed my family and friends around me while I was waiting to see what the outcome was going to be. Post op, everyone was a great support. However no one talks about it anymore. I’m not sure is it they have forgotten or is it they fear they may upset me by talking about things. My husband & I don’t speak about it either. I suppose we have our own way of dealing with the grief. I often wonder how big I would be by now, would I have chosen to find out the sex, etc. I am dreading my expected due date. Not a day goes by without me thinking of our little angel.

What’s happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
6 weeks post op, I packed my bags and moved abroad with my husband. We plan on trying for a baby in the new year, although I am scared and filled with apprehension that the same thing will happen again….. Only time will tell x

Meet Jonelle!

Meet Jonelle, she's is also a blogger and blogs about her quest to add to her family after so many heartbreaks. Sometimes it is really difficult to stay positive when we struggle so much to achieve what for others is so easy. Jonelle is now pursuing adoption, if you want to follow her story she blogs at "Somewhere in the Middle".


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
My ectopic was in my right tube, near my ovary in February 2008. I was inbetween cycles, after having finished a Clomid cycle (hpt at the RE's office was negative) and waiting to start my period so I could have an HSG to start injections. (I didn't know I was pregnant until I was admited in the ER).

What were your symptoms?
I had spotting for about a week, and then a week later, out of nowhere severe pelvic pain-like cramping all over, not exclusive to one side. I had been waiting for my period, so I thought it was cramps. When the pain got worse and accompanied by pressure when I had to pee, I thought I had a UTI (even though I had never experienced one).


How was your experience with the doctors?
I was in the ER (A&E) for the first 24+ hours before I was transferred to a hospital that would treat me (the insurance that I had wasn't compatible with the local hospital my dad intitally took my too [DH was teaching a night class and couldn't take me to a hospital that would take our insurance]). In that time (24+ hours), I wasn't given any pain meds (I have a high pain tolerance) or anything to eat, because in a way, I think they knew I was surgical (being fitted for an IV fluid port kinda gave it away). The three different doctors that examined me while in the ER told me that they didn't think it was an ectopic, but an ovarian cyst. I even had an ultrasound and they told me I had "fluid" in my uterus, but they didn't know what kind of fluid.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
Once I was transferred to another hospital, I was seen immediately by an OB. He did an ultrasound and told me that the "fluid' in the uterus was actually blood. And the shoulder pain I was now experiencing was blood pooling in my abdomen. I was rushed into emergency surgery within the hour. I had to have my right tube removed.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.?
My emotions were incredibly raw after it happened. After four years of struggling to get pregnant, it finally happened and it was an ectopic. I was very upset at myself too, hindsight plays evil tricks when grieving. I kept telling myself, if only I had taken another pregnancy test, if only I had made my dad take me to a Kaiser hospital, if only I had made my RE give me an HSG (which he refused as I "wasn't ovulating anyway, so what's the point"). My mom and husband were great. When DH had to go back to work the next day after surgery, my mom came over with breakfast and took care of me. She listened to me talk and cry. DH was the same, we talked an cried together. Even my cat wouldn't leave me alone.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
May 2008 an HSG cleared my left tube and declared my uterus "unremarkable", we moved onto treatment with injections and IUI procedures in August 2008. I had eight medicated IUI cycles (4 cancelled due to incorrect ovary response). The very last cycle (July/August 2009) resulted in a chemical pregnancy, that was when DH and I decided to stop treatment and stop trying altogether. We agreed that grief counselling would be the best thing for us to help us move on from infertility and onto domestic infant adoption. In August 2010 we found an adoption agency. In December 2010 our homestudy was approved. In September 2011 we were matched, a month later the matched failed.  Now we are waiting to be matched again.

Meet Sheryl!

This is Sheryl's story, another beautiful testimony of how things can just turn around sooner than expected after the trauma of an ectopic pregnancy.


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I had an ectopic pregnancy in Feb 2011 in my right fallopian tube.

What were your symptoms?
I didnt have any of the classic symptoms. However on the day I was admitted to hospital I had really bad pressure pains in my pelvic region and towards the back, which made walking and driving very uncomfortable.


How was your experience with the doctors?
I found Doctors, nurses and everybody involved to be absolutely fantastic. They were extremely sympathetic and understanding.


How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
I had my right fallopian tube removed.
A week before I found out I was pregnant I fell down the stairs which resulted in very heavy bleeding. I visited my gp who treated me for a vaginal infection. I knew i hadn't an infection and on valentines night (Monday) I took a test and couldn't believe it was finally positive. I contacted the EPAU straight away and told them about the bleeding etc so they arranged an appointment for that same Friday. They scanned me and tested my hormone levels. Nothing showed up on the scan which they said was not uncommon at 6 weeks gestation, but they warned me I may have miscarried and the blood test would reveal all.
It was later that night I had the really bad pains and was admitted to hospital.
My hcg levels confirmed I was still pregnant but still nothing showed up on the scans. It was only on Monday 21st when I was scanned again that they discovered the pregnancy and also a lot of fluid. Within 15 mins I was rushed to Theatre.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.?
Where to start! Angry, sad, alone, frustrated.
Initially when I found out may have to have a tube removed I was totally devastated. We had tried for months to get pregnant and now are chances of it happening again were going to be slimmer.
I hadn't thought of the little baby we lost and used to get frustrated when people mentioned the word miscarriage.
As soon as the physical pain healed the emotional pain took over and all I could think of was our little baby and each week that passed I thought I should be x weeks pregnant now
I kept everything bottled up for a while and realised it wasn't helping at all. After reading stories from other women on the ectopic pregnancy Ireland page I decided I needed to talk about it. I was so surprised at how many people experienced an ep or knew someone who experienced it.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
Well in June I decided to run the mini marathon for ectopic pregnancy Ireland to help raise awareness. It was very emotional crossing the finish line. Also I'm relatively fit and couldn't understand why it nearly killed me only to discover 2 days later that I was pregnant!!!!
I'm now 27 weeks and everything has been going great. The day our first little baby would have been due was still very hard to deal with though and I often think of what might have been.
However we know we are blessed to be pregnant again so soon and are cherishing every moment.
Never give up hope x

Meet Rita!

Rita is another brave woman who survived a very rare form of EP. Deirdre, one of the founders of this association, also experienced the same type of EP (her story is above). Thank you Rita for sharing your story!


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience? 
I suffered a heterotopic pregnancy in June 2003. See definition below, this was a 1 in 30,000 case.  I was almost 11 weeks pregnant. For the previous week before it happened I had funny unusual pains in my side and up and down my shoulder. As this was a first pregnancy I didn't know that this wasn't the norm. I had confirmed the pregnancy but no scan had been done.
Definition: 
A rare type of multiple pregnancies involving one viable pregnancy implanted in the uterus and the other implanted elsewhere as an ectopic pregnancy. Heterotopic pregnancies occur very rarely in couples who do not use assisted reproduction to conceive, with rates less than 1 in 30,000 naturally occurring pregnancies. Heterotopic pregnancies can occur in as many as 1 in 100 couples who conceive through assisted reproduction.

What were your symptoms?
Pains in my side sometimes very painful and terrible pain in my shoulder, this was for a couple of days before the rupture.
   
How was your experience with the doctors? 
My experience was a complete emergency situation. It happened on a Sunday morning, I was alone in the house my husband was working abroad, I had the most horrific terrifying experience of my life, I was awake all night in pain, I knew that this was not normal, I had no bleeding at this stage but the pain in my sides and shoulder became so bad, that I called my sister and told her I wasnt well, luckily at the time she lived only 2miles away. My skin took a very funny colour; the only way to describe it was grey. I felt hot and cold and then clammy. I called my sister but didnt get to finish the conversation because I collapsed and fainted. I have only vague recollections of what happened in the next 24 hours. Luckily my sister's husband was alarmed and jumped in the car and came over to my place, I was lying on the floor and he had to carry me to the car and try to keep me awake, I was at this stage in agony in pain and was in and out of consciousness. I arrived within 10mins to the closest Hospital where I was asked a few questions, at this stage, my sister had to answer all the questions as again I had passed, and this was a complete ER situation.
I was not diagnosed straight away as the doctor didnt know at the time what had happened, so it was an emergency surgery. I had to have an immediate operation on my tummy. It was my sister who had to sign the consent as I was out cold at this stage, and to be honest I later found out that I had come very close to death.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
I had tubal surgery to remove the tube. I am not sure about the exact terminology and I don't have my medical charts.  When I woke up from the surgery, I saw my mother and my sister crying, I didn't know what to think. I hadn't known I was carrying what potentially could have been twins, so I was so so scared. My sister then told me that there had been two babies but unfortunately one baby had developed in the tube, luckily there was still one in the womb and so far so good, all seemed normal at that stage. I was on morphine for the pain and I was still in and out of a consciousness. The consultant who did the operation was a lovely lady and she explained in simple terms what happened, she told me that they almost lost me, but luckily I had got to the maternity unit so quickly after I collapsed that they were able to do an emergency operation to save me and the other baby. I stayed in hospital for 10 days where I slowly got better; I was released home into the care of my husband who had to take 2 months leave from his job in the Middle East. I was then on bed rest for a couple of weeks to recover, and get stronger.
I was given injections to increase my chance of holding on to the baby.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc.?
I was offered counselling at the hospital but didn't feel I needed it at the time. I was sad of course, but also relieved that I had held onto one of the babies.  My family, mother, father, and my sister were very supportive. I was very weak for a long time and towards the end of the summer felt strong enough to join my husband back in the Middle East where he had been working at the time.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
I gave birth by elective C-section on 22nd December 2003 to a beautiful but petite baby girl. Holly was 5lb 8 oz.; she was born in Riyadh Saudi Arabia. She was absolutely perfect. I chose to have an elective section as I was extremely traumatised after the ectopic pregnancy. I was advised that because I had a history of ectopic pregnancy my chances of conceiving naturally again would be lower than an average woman, but luckily I fell pregnant again in 2006 and gave birth to a big healthy baby boy in March 2007. Christopher was a healthy 7lb 10oz when he was born.  I am so relieved to have my two children and I thank my lucky stars every day that I survived such a traumatic event in my life. I would advise anyone who suspects that they have very unusual symptoms like shoulder/joint pain, excruciating pain in your sides, to get it checked as soon as possible.

Meet Sarah!

Another fantastic lady decided to participate in this project and share her story. Sarah thank you so much, we know it's really hard to bring back all the emotions and relive what happened, but there's no doubt this will help may other women to feel less lonely. Like Sarah said to us, writing this was somewhat therapeutic for her too.


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I have had two ectopic pregnancies both resulting in loosing my tubes. The first one was in 2006, and I lost my right tube, my second pregnancy and most recent was in November 2011 (one week ago) - this was going to be my last baby and lost my left tube.

What were your symptoms?
On my first EP in 06 I was about 7wks pregnant. I was out with my mother and my little girl and I got really bad pains in my right side, it was so awful. I could hardly walk or drive. The pain eased off that evening but the next day I had very bad cramps in my stomach and went to my gp. On the way back I started to bleed lightly but that was the beginning of it really. I went to EPU [Early Pregnancy Unit] and scan couldn't confirm anything, back the next morning and a more detailed scan showed the pregnancy was in my right tube.

This time round I was only 6 wks but I really had zero symptoms, zero pregnancy symptoms or EP symptoms. I had an early scan booked for last Tuesday 8th November and they thought they could see a very small empty sac in my womb. So they took bloods and sent me home. EPU phoned last Wednesday morning and said to come back down for another scan as soon as I could that the hcg levels were at 3900 and at that stage they should be able to see something. So down we went, myself, dh and 3 children really expecting the best (but really deep down I knew it wasn't looking good). By the time I got there I had a very very mild pain on the left, low down in my pelvis. Two sonographers both scanned me internally and both confirmed that the womb was empty and that perhaps there was something in my left tube - I was deemed a mystery because I really didn't have any symptoms at all. The nurse in the EPU insisted to the doctor that I had to stay in the hospital as I live over an hour away - so they found me a bed and booked me in for laparoscopy that night, hoping to have me down in theatre by 9pm

How was your experience with the doctors?
Back in 2006 It was all very sudden, straight down to theatre, laparoscopy done, pregnancy and tube removed and sent home the next day. While the nurses where lovely I really just felt like I was rushed home.
This time round in 2011 - Pretty much like the first experience or rush, shock and fear, but I really couldn't have gotten any better care. From the nurse in the EPU who insisted I was kept in, to the doctors, to the surgeons, consultants, and nurses they really took care of me and looked after me really well.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
In 2006 I was straight in for surgery. They did laparoscopy to remove my tube which by that point was rupturing. The healing time was much quicker, I was physically healed in just over a week. Emotionally was harder work. It really did take me months. As at that time they told me there was some damage to my left tube and my conception chances naturally where about 5% and IVF where probably the only other way for us. For months I really couldn't come to terms with that. But 8 months after I conceived my first son (I already had a daughter thank God for her) and then went on to have a second son.
2011 they presumed it would just be a "simple" laparoscopy - down and back in an hour is what the surgeon told my husband. When in fact when they took me down (at 7pm) and did the laparoscopy they discovered my tube had already ruptured and I was  bleeding into my pelvis (and I really only had a very mild pain) also the pregnancy was embedded into my ovary too that they had to do abdominal surgery - and cut about 7-8cm but the whole procedure took just over 2 hours.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc?
God the emotions!! The first time round I really couldn't get my head around it at all. I went through it all I suppose. From feeling like a failure because I couldn't' even "get pregnant properly" to "was it my fault, did I do something wrong", to anxiety, even though I already had a child all I wanted more than anything was to be pregnant again. I soldiered on with the support of my wonderful husband and came to terms with it all, and thankfully went on to have 2 more beautiful children.
This time round, at the moment I really don't even know how I am feeling to be honest. It was only one week ago - so I really don't think it has sunk in. I have a lot going around in my head. On one hand I am so thankful to already be blessed with 3 great children, but I cant really even imagine that I will probably (unless ivf, which is not 100%) never be pregnant again, never have a baby growing inside of me, have that newborn feeling in the house. It is crazy really, as this baby was to be our "last" one. My family have been out of this world, my friends have been great and plenty of help from everyone. I also have in my head "oh my god I could have died", a feeling I never thought about the first time round. I suppose the first time my tube was rupturing in the hospital where as this time it had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. I really shudder to think of the what if's, what if they took more bloods and sent me home. My husband at the moment is really only thinking of this and I really wish he wouldn't beat himself up over it. We just need to keep talking to each other and making sure we are both OK emotionally.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
Since 2006 and loosing my first tube a lot went on. We signed our names for inter country adoption also decided we would give ivf a try. The week before our first meeting with the consultant I found out I was pregnant again, which was a successful one, and in August 07 out popped my beautiful son. When he was 10 months we said "sure lets try again, it might take ages, it might never happen lets just see". Two months later I was pregnant again :) In April 2009 my next little fella was born.
So I am so lucky to have 3 great kids.
It has only been one week since my last ectopic and not much has happened other than thanking God to be alive, have my husband and my children. I may never have another so I am taking my blessings where I can I suppose. The next few months might be a bit of a roller-coaster but I'll take each day at a time for now.

Meet Niamh!

Niamh is our first featured story! Thank you Niamh, we really hope this will get the ball rolling!


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience? 
The EP was in my left tube. It happened last month (October 2011)

What were your symptoms?
I was 6 weeks pregnant on my 2nd pregnancy and had just been to my GP to confirm when I started to get spotting and bad pains. They weren't on one particular side, just a strong pressure pain very low down. After 2 days I realised they weren't going away and went to the hospital. I had an internal scan and they saw an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube.

How was your experience with the doctors?
I found the doctors (and nurses and all staff in the hospital) amazing. I was diagnosed straight away. I hate hospitals but they made me feel so at ease, and as if I was the most important person in the hospital.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
I had both. The ectopic pregnancy was seen on the internal scan and the doctor on duty wanted to do follow up blood tests to confirm, as the pain subsided and I was stable so they didn't need to act immediately. 3 days after my scan the blood tests confirmed what was suspected on the scan. The doctor wanted to admit me straight away and prepare me for surgery the following day, as the level of hcg was just over the recommended level for the mtx injection. However the doctor on duty the following day felt it was worthwhile trying the injection,. I was relieved but still very anxious. I went home a couple of hours after the injection and the following day I went out for lunch as a distraction. After lunch I started getting the pain again. Within a few minutes I was in agony and barely made it to the car. We rushed back into the hospital where I was scanned as I squirmed around the bed, and they could see fluid in my abdomen. Within minutes I was surrounded by doctors and nurses and rushed into surgery where I lost my left tube and my baby.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc?
I was surprised at how quickly I recovered from the physical pain of surgery but the emotional pain will be with me for a long time. We told our families and friends after it had happened as I felt I needed the support and everyone was great. Although after surgery the emphasis was on my physical recovery rather than emotional and I do feel like they dont understand what I am going through. I never thought something like this would happen me. I am getting through it by thinking positively and rather than looking at it as losing a baby I look at it that I have gained an angel who will always look over us. I am very anxious about becoming pregnant again. It was such a scary experience that I never want to be in a position where it could happen again, but it did only happen a month ago so I am sure my feelings will change.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
It only happened a month ago, so I'm slowly but surely getting back to normal.