Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Life after the happy ending

Susanne opens up about her life after a very longed for baby finally arrived. Thank you Susanne!

So, what’s life like when you have longed for a baby for so long, have gone through so much heartache, so much pain. When your life was consumed for years by the longing for a baby.
What’s it like when you finally have what you wanted all this time? It’s not something I ever thought about before our daughter was born (you can ready my story here if you haven’t already).
And then there she was, and she was beautiful and it was amazing. And then - and I can’t remember when I first noticed something was not right – my husband changed. Finally, about 5 months after she was born, he was diagnosed with depression. He had been there for me all that time, had kept it together, stayed strong for me. It was as if once she was born, he knew I was ok and he fell apart. I won’t go into detail, but anyone who has experience of living with someone with depression knows it’s very hard. He went to get help and started his road to recovery.
At the same time he was diagnosed, I got an offer for a job. I’d always planned to leave my old job after I had my baby, and I was truly lucky with the opportunity I got. It was a strange time – on one hand, I would have loved to be able to stay at home (we couldn’t afford it), on the other hand, I was looking forward to getting back to work, simply to get out of the house.
So I started the new job and threw myself into it. After years of being consumed by the longing for a baby I felt I had been defined by everything that happened to us.  I felt I was simply “the girl who had 3 ectopics”, our story, our road to our happy ending was my only identity. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret being so public about our story, as so much good has come from it.
But starting a new job, with new people, who got to know me as ME, not as “my story” was so refreshing, it was so powerful. People didn’t look at me and think of me as the girl with 3 ectopics, they looked at me and saw someone who was great at her job. I did, of course over time share parts of what happened with my colleagues, but it wasn’t what defined me. Throw a bit of a social life with the colleagues into it, and that was what kept me going -  any new mother knows working full time (with all the guilt that comes with it) and having a baby at home is challenging. Throw a husband recovering from depression into the mix and you can imagine how difficult it was.
I absolutely adore our daughter, she’s 2.5 now, changing every day, and we have so much fun. I enjoy the time with her so much. I also enjoy my work, I’m good at it, and I feel there are opportunities for me I never thought I could have. It took me a long time to forgive myself for that – I spent so many years longing for a baby, I felt I should want to spend every single minute with her. I felt I had no right to complain when it was tough, so I kept going, tried to do it all myself.  Well, guess what – it catches up on you. You can only go for so long until you, or those close to you realise it’s getting too much.
When you are in the middle of your journey, and all you do is cling on to hope that it will happen for you, you don’t think about what happens afterwards. When you first find out you are finally pregnant, and everything is going as planned, you get more and more excited the closer your due date gets. You don’t think about what happens when the baby is born – you expect to be deliriously happy and for your life to be suddenly complete. And in a way, for a while it really was like that. But then normal life resumes, and for me  - for us -  that was a bit overwhelming. Finding your identity again - realising you are not just a mother, but also still a wife, a friend, an employee, an auntie etc etc – it can take time.
So now I make sure I have time to myself and I don’t feel guilty for enjoying my job with the odd night away. And I know I’m a better mother for it. Thankfully my husband has fully recovered too.

Life is good, and with any luck, in a year or two we might be in a position to see if one of our frozen embryos can grow into a little brother or sister for our daughter. Who knows what life will bring.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for the useful information I would suggest that you learn with this video. Be helpful and get maximum knowledge about the Pregnancy. This Video'll suggest you : Signs of Pregnancy Before Missed Period

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  2. An amazing testimony on a Native Iya Hindi root and herbs who help me to get pregnant, So me and my partner have been trying for a baby for the last 2 years now. I don’t have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I’m ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really getting to me. my partner had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I’m thinking it could be a problem with me but I’ve never had any symptoms of any problems. My partner does smoke and have the occasional drink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional drink. i know i’m slightly overweight but that shouldn’t affect our chances too much, one faithful day my friend told me to contact Native Iya Hindi that help her sister, then i contact the email. hindinative@yahoo.com,He sent the Herbs to me and gave instruction on method after three weeks the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you Native Iya Hindi for helping me get a baby, I am thankful for all he had done. contact him via email:(hindinative@yahoo.com .Or whats App number+19145295224), if you are trying to get a baby.

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  3. my name is Laura from australia,am using this means to say my thanks to Dr.ODIA for making it possible for me to be a mother today,i have been barren for more than 12years that became a story until i search for pregnancy tips on the internet then i came across a particular man who different people has been testifying about how he help a woman get her husband back,and how he help another man cured his autism son,and another with falopian tube and unable to concieve but now she has giving birth to twins, then i immediately contacted him on Odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com. since he has been helping others who had infertility issues then mine will not be a hard issue,i told him my problem and that i have not giving birth for the past 12years, Dr,ODIA told me how much to buy the pregnancy herbal medication, and how to get the herbs which i did. After taking the herbs as instructed by him,two weeks later after meeting with my husband, i could feel some signs in my body so i had to see my doctor behold he told me i was pregnant,please help me say thanks to him and testify the same way i did by contacting him via email: Odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com

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